In the beginning

The conversations in my head are so ugly and hurtful. All of a sudden everyone is younger than me, or comfortably retired. I am somehow stuck in the middle. Memories of the quick reorganization that left me jobless in this horrible economy and the rapid decline of fortune - sale of my beloved house, fears of permanent unemployment, poverty, loneliness and worse. I am below flat lined. I want to sleep, but manage only sweat drenched nightmare-filled fits. They are followed by zombie days, unrelieved by exercise.