Running Away From Home

I guess the trip to Vilnius is a major escape. Hopefully an escapade as well. I need to change that nasty mental ruckus. I need to leave the environment of the USA Network. So I am running into the past. The land my grandmother was born in over a century ago, to study a languishing language. Not quite my fantasy of an airy flat in Rome and a job singing in the local church. But, different enough from the everyday to change the conversation. I guess I'd like to change my life as well, but I think that's too difficult. We'll see.

In the beginning

The conversations in my head are so ugly and hurtful. All of a sudden everyone is younger than me, or comfortably retired. I am somehow stuck in the middle. Memories of the quick reorganization that left me jobless in this horrible economy and the rapid decline of fortune - sale of my beloved house, fears of permanent unemployment, poverty, loneliness and worse. I am below flat lined. I want to sleep, but manage only sweat drenched nightmare-filled fits. They are followed by zombie days, unrelieved by exercise.